five times I called for death // “I see you”
I thought I was done with this place
far from the burning light of day
_______
home is where the hurt is, and no one knows how to hurt you like family
even and especially when it doesn’t think it’s trying
home never did feel right // the bonds of family were never light
_______
all those trips back were really just for her,
grandest-of-mothers except to her own, unless they died
every time they’d pick me up from the airport,
she would seem smaller in my arms
shrinking and losing mobility, momentum, direction
losing life a bit at a time, marked by the empty places where we’d embrace and I’d be careful not to hug her too tight
give her my arms so we could walk slowly together to the baggage claim and catch up about nothing
_______
I’m allready tired
and I’m never back again
where is home // without ?
______________________________________
[( a dawn )] 