( is it again? )
i feel like i haven’t been using this
, or any,
as /////////////xxxxxxdon’t know )
i’ve pretty much abandoned everything, and i knew i’m not reaching out to anyone
likw i should
. there’s been a lot going on, more than i’d like to get into or you’d like to hear.
i don’t know that either, and that’s probably for the best.
but at the recommendation of my therapist and my inner
conscience, i am going to try and write more.
the course is prone to turbulence and it is difficult to avoid these obstacles, ever present and foreboding,
more of the same you more of
shadows, tearing and ripping the air and anything that happens to exist within it, unfortunate enough to breathe in
something that makes writing ( and breathing ) difficult, but i don’t know how else to process
what is happening
and never mind the nightmares
at this point. they are a constant.
[ uozıɹoɥ ]
i keep trying to post the journal pages but they don’t seem to stick? something about the file sizes maybe. idk
stuff gets out of order, mixed up
but, small goals. baby steps, all that shit.
keeping track of time better would be a good start.
work up to
and what they talk about outside of its
impressions – the movements, the motions, the phasing in and out
i know i have to engage with the most difficult parts of this and that’s probably why
there’s a lot of resistance in me to all , every part of it. i thought it would be fun
to play around with
but it’s discomforting at best.
i’d rather just shut it out, shut down but that doesn’t work so well anymore,
not like it used to
so i have to do something else
with your shaking hands
with my time
x persephone sorry about your friend ]
my stupid petty grievances
i keep misspelling simple shit, it’s either me or
those are your your stupid eyes
these scheduled posts aren’t working out so well… but they take so long to upload otherwise.
for no good reason
things keep going missing
, are merged together
and the edits… ? well,
mal is a good friend – a gentleman and a scholar – he knows his contributions and support have allways been appreciated… but it’s a little much sometimes.
( and mal, if you’re reading this,
, don’t worry about it
and keep doing what you’re doing. if this helps you work through
or what we haven’t
then i can think of no better use for this
the whole point was to make sense of it all.. it’s been a few months and i don’t feel any closer to that goal than when i started. so give it a go, man
it’s not gonna hurt anything
i’m glad , since i have
n’t really been up to us ing it lATELY
( but dude you know that you can
i’m not sure
but it’s not really a
1:42 a, m clock broken?
line break, new day
late evening, almost late enough to be morning.
…………….no it’s definitely morning now, but it wasn’t before ”
i mean of course it wasn’t morning when it was evening, but i mean that before it wasn’t either
i don’t know i think i just need to sleep
your shortest days are here to stay
///////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////////////// ///////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////////// ////////////////////////////////////////// /…………………………………………………………..
it’s been a while. you can’t tell, unless you can? but regardless
there’s been a lot going on as usual. in waking life and else
i think a few months?
lots of those.
but that’s not important really
i still get distracted, sidetracked…ted
i mean easily
i need to xxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXXtell?
there’s a lot i can’t say here,
partly because i don’t know
you at all
and if i do know xxxxxxxxxxx
( mal i know we talked about
but i don’t want to put more of this on
you, not after
i don’t want to do this
i’m sorry for saying sorry.
i told so many people i would stop
i know it’s not my fault, not yours
or anyone’s but still,
for whatever it’s worth
i’ll come back later
— “there’s a devil
on my back
on my waist
on my neck
on my neck
de cisi on
we’ll see what i
“” it’s a wicked life, isn’t it? “
still true”” it’s a wicked life, isn’t it?
accidental but truei don’t blame you———– you’re – just- one- ‘ eve r y ‘
w h i c h w a y
laid to rest at
he angel of death
laughs in the face of recovery
sn punoɹɐ ןןɐ ‘puoʎǝq ‘ǝʌoqɐ ‘ʎʇdɯǝ ʇou sı ʇɐɥʇ ssǝuʞɹɐp ǝɥʇ ‘ʇɥbıu ןɐuɹǝʇǝ ǝɥʇ ʇunɐɥ ʇɐɥʇ sɹoɹɹɹoɥ ǝɹɐ ǝɹǝɥʇ puɐ
ǝʌıן oʇ ɥbnouǝǝ ʇɐunʇɹoɟun ǝɟıן uodn pǝʇɔıןɟuı sı ʇɐɥʇ dnos uɐǝpɐɥ ɐ sı ǝɔɐds ɔıɯsoɔ puɐ ǝɯıʇ ʇnq
noʎ ǝɯoɔǝq oʇ ʇuɐʍ ʎǝɥʇ
ǝq oʇ ʇuɐʍ oɥʍ sɹǝɥʇo ʇsnظ ǝɹɐ ʇsǝɹ ǝɥʇ
noʎ ǝuo ʎןuo sı ǝɹǝɥʇ ʇnq sǝɔɐןd sǝɯıʇ ʎuɐɯ uı ǝq ʎɐɯ noʎ
and there are horrors that haunt the eternal night, the darkness that is full of emptiness, above, beyond, all around us
i can feel the days getting shorter, passing faster,
dawn breaks as soon as it f a l ls