hi , again

( is it again? )
i feel like i haven’t been using this

, or any,


as fully

as /////////////xxxxxxdon’t know )

i’ve pretty much abandoned everything, and i knew i’m not reaching out to anyone

likw i should
. there’s been a lot going on, more than i’d like to get into or you’d like to hear.

whoever xxxxxxxxxxxxx\\\\\

i don’t know that either, and that’s probably for the best.
but at the recommendation of my therapist and my inner


conscience, i am going to try and write more.
the course is prone to turbulence and it is difficult to avoid these obstacles, ever present and foreboding,

more of the same you more of

shadows, tearing and ripping the air and anything that happens to exist within it, unfortunate enough to breathe in


something that makes writing ( and breathing ) difficult, but i don’t know how else to process

what is happening


and never mind the nightmares

at this point. they are a constant.


is a


[ uozıɹoɥ ]

i keep trying to post the journal pages but they don’t seem to stick? something about the file sizes maybe. idk

stuff gets out of order, mixed up

but, small goals. baby steps, all that shit.

keeping track of time better would be a good start.
work up to


and what they talk about outside of its


![[empty nots.png]]



impressions – the movements, the motions, the phasing in and out
i know i have to engage with the most difficult parts of this and that’s probably why

there’s a lot of resistance in me to all , every part of it. i thought it would be fun

to explore


to play around with

![[winding spaces.png]]



but it’s discomforting at best.

i’d rather just shut it out, shut down but that doesn’t work so well anymore,
not like it used to
so i have to do something else

with your shaking hands

with my time

x persephone sorry about your friend ]

// /

steps ]

my stupid petty grievances


i keep misspelling simple shit, it’s either me or





those are your your stupid eyes


these scheduled posts aren’t working out so well… but they take so long to upload otherwise.

for no good reason
things keep going missing

, are merged together


and the edits… ? well,
mal is a good friend – a gentleman and a scholar – he knows his contributions and support have allways been appreciated… but it’s a little much sometimes.

( and mal, if you’re reading this,

, don’t worry about it

and keep doing what you’re doing. if this helps you work through

this all

or what we haven’t

then i can think of no better use for this


the whole point was to make sense of it all.. it’s been a few months and i don’t feel any closer to that goal than when i started. so give it a go, man


it’s not gonna hurt anything



no harm… all things considered
mal seems more experienced with this kind of thing than i am anyway, i'll admit that. and  he's clearly been having fun generating AI 

dreams //////

s tuff.

i’m glad , since i have

n’t really been up to us ing it lATELY
( but dude you know that you can




i’m not sure





but it’s not really a



1:42 a, m clock broken?

lagging bad



line break, new day

evening, really.

late evening, almost late enough to be morning.

…………….no it’s definitely morning now, but it wasn’t before ”
i mean of course it wasn’t morning when it was evening, but i mean that before it wasn’t either

i don’t know i think i just need to sleep



\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\\\//////

your shortest days are here to stay

fuck this









///////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////////////// ///////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////////// ////////////////////////////////////////// /…………………………………………………………..
/ ………………………………..
/// \\
/ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\



h iagain

it’s been a while. you can’t tell, unless you can? but regardless
there’s been a lot going on as usual. in waking life and else

i think a few months?

lots of those.



but that’s not important really

i still get distracted, sidetracked…ted
too easy
i mean easily

i need to xxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXXtell?


there’s a lot i can’t say here,

partly because i don’t know

you at all

probably, hopefully

and if i do know xxxxxxxxxxx

( mal i know we talked about



but i don’t want to put more of this on

you, not after

everything else

i don’t want to do this

at all


i’m sorry.

i’m sorry for saying sorry.

i told so many people i would stop

i know it’s not my fault, not yours

or anyone’s but still,

i’m sorry.

for whatever it’s worth






i’ll come back later


or sooner


— “there’s a devil

anatomy of a devil

on my back
on my waist
on my neck
on my neck

  • \\\\\\\\\\\
  • |||||||]]
  • ||||||||||]]]
  • /////////////
  • //////////
  • ////////
  • /////
  • ///
  • /

y our

de cisi on



we’ll see what i

k xxxxxxxeeps

– ]]]]]]]]

– //////////////////


“” it’s a wicked life, isn’t it? “
still true”” it’s a wicked life, isn’t it?
still true


0000 00


be back




accidental but truei don’t blame you———– you’re – just- one- ‘ eve r y ‘

w h i c h w a y

p a t h w a y s 
in the halls of dream

laid to rest at



he angel of death

laughs in the face of recovery

sn punoɹɐ ןןɐ ‘puoʎǝq ‘ǝʌoqɐ ‘ʎʇdɯǝ ʇou sı ʇɐɥʇ ssǝuʞɹɐp ǝɥʇ ‘ʇɥbıu ןɐuɹǝʇǝ ǝɥʇ ʇunɐɥ ʇɐɥʇ sɹoɹɹɹoɥ ǝɹɐ ǝɹǝɥʇ puɐ

ǝʌıן oʇ ɥbnouǝǝ ʇɐunʇɹoɟun ǝɟıן uodn pǝʇɔıןɟuı sı ʇɐɥʇ dnos uɐǝpɐɥ ɐ sı ǝɔɐds ɔıɯsoɔ puɐ ǝɯıʇ ʇnq

noʎ ǝɯoɔǝq oʇ ʇuɐʍ ʎǝɥʇ

ǝq oʇ ʇuɐʍ oɥʍ sɹǝɥʇo ʇsnظ ǝɹɐ ʇsǝɹ ǝɥʇ

noʎ ǝuo ʎןuo sı ǝɹǝɥʇ ʇnq sǝɔɐןd sǝɯıʇ ʎuɐɯ uı ǝq ʎɐɯ noʎ

and there are horrors that haunt the eternal night, the darkness that is full of emptiness, above, beyond, all around us

singular safety in solitude, seconds spent settled at

i can feel the days getting shorter, passing faster,

dawn breaks as soon as it f a l ls


By a w a y l n d x

Artist, aberrant mind

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